I could count on both of my hands...and both of the hands on every person on this planet...how many times I've felt anxious.
It's grown over the past year or so to a point that I knew I had to make a change or I was headed to a break down.
God's really been working on my heart. He's been bringing things to my attention and putting them in my path for a while, but at break-neck speed lately.
I have learned so much about fear and anxiety.
A big part of what I've learned is how common anxiety is among us, even my friends. And most common in women.
Many of us worry about our kids to the point of distraction.
Of course, you'd never know that just from looking at us or even from having a casual conversation with us.
No, we're very careful to keep those "crazy" feelings tucked away while we're in public.
We hide behind the illusion of a smiling face, a full social calendar, and Christian buzz words like "blessed" and "faith".
It's usually not until the sun goes down and the house sits still and quiet that we allow those feelings to slowly crawl up our throats and threaten to spill out of us in heaving sobs. Our chests clench and the thoughts that run through our heads are worse than any horror movie we've ever seen.
It doesn't matter that the details of our thoughts might be different. The feeling is all the same: an out-of-control fear. A nameless, faceless, unsubstantiated fear about our children's safety and well-being.
For so long I have merely kept the horror down and kept it at bay. But now...God is getting me ready to look the beast in the eye.
I'm taking this on.
I'm going to look right at it and walk right through it.
I'm scared. Which is almost funny if you think about it: I'm afraid to face my fear.
But I have to. I need healing and I feel like I need to get these things I'm learning down on paper (so to speak) so someone else may benefit.
For the next several posts, I'll be writing a series about anxiety. Bear with me. Basically, I'll be laying on the "couch" and you'll be the proverbial fly on the wall.
Make no mistake: I am not a medical professional. The things I will share are things that I have learned through personal introspection, conversations with friends, reading, and Bible study. If you ever feel you are in danger of harming yourself, your child, or anyone else please seek professional help immediately. Click HERE for a list of resources.