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Friday, June 7, 2013

All Aboard The {Emotional} Roller Coaster.

Keep your hands. feet and loose objects inside the car at all times.

"Loose" would apply to my sanity at this point in time.

And hello to all of you.

How are we feeling today?

Are you feeling at all like me today?

Are you having a day week month like mine?

Has your husband gone to work commando for a solid week because you can't seem to dig out of the dirty laundry mountain?

Have you worn the same clothes 2 days in a row because you just can't get anything done and a shower is at the looooong end of that list?

Have you sent the kids to a different room than you more than once "for their own safety"?

Have you awakened on more than one morning wishing you just didn't have to do it.

It being live life that day.

Have responsibilities, feed someone else, wipe other butts, discipline, referee, pick up messes, be patient, deal with people...

Oh that last one is the bane of my existence right about now.

You know man, life is hard enough without having to deal with people, isn't it?

And I know it's a smidge difficult to NOT deal with people, but sometimes...often I wish I could just run away and live in a cave.

The delicate balance of life is so fragile that one wrong move and your whole world goes topsy turvy.

And sometimes it's not even the intentional things people do that can totally wreck a day. Sometimes just people being who they are--or YOU being who YOU are--is enough. Because we're all so different and we all have such a patchwork conglomeration of ideals, and beliefs, and experiences, and perceptions, it gets messy.

I mean a 2-year-old-helping-to-bake-a-cake kind of messy.

And on top of that, when you get all manner of unkind perpetrated upon you on purpose? Well, there's just no amount of Ben & Jerry's that will salve that wound.

It's one of those really, really hideously ugly situations where you have to make some decisions:

1. Face it, Be direct. Ask if what you think is happening is happening.
2. Ignore it. Sweep it under the rug. Pretend it isn't happening and don't make a big deal of it. (and move on)
3. Ignore it. Sweep it under the rug. Pretend it isn't happening and don't make a big deal of it. (And let the anger and bitterness and resentment simmer below the surface until it blows one day.)
4. Take them by the throat, kick them in the teeth, and land a sound karate chop to their windpipe.

I tend to shy away from option 1. Simply because it's uncomfortable. And truly, I know people who would just as soon lie to your face because they also try to avoid option 1.

When I find myself in these situations, I aim high with lofty goals to handle it using Option 2. Unfortunately, my well-meaning'd intentions usually morph into Option 3. And I stuff. And I stuff. And I stuff. I'm a powder keg just waiting for a match.

And as the pressure grows in that powder keg, Option 4 starts looking very appealing.

And then I wonder where my kids get anger management issues from.

And then I argue with myself until I can't take it anymore. I blame myself. And then I blame them. And then I blame both of us. And then I blame the government (because really it's all their fault anyway.)

And then it blows over. For a while.

But it's always there. In the back of my mind. Until they do something else to tick me off and then, "Oh, Lookie there!" There it is again. Only worse because I've allowed it to fester and morph into something more. Suddently my "anger" has gone from Gizmo to a Gremlin in 2.5 seconds.

And this is exhausting, as you can imagine.

And it's not healthy.

And there is NO way we can ever avoid this situation. No matter what.

People will always, always annoy you, disappoint you, harass you, insult you, and over-all make you want to smack them about the face. (Anger issues again...)

BUT...I'm learning...I'm learning that there is only one way I can make this all manageable. There is only ONE.

And it's all about being in the Word.

The closer I am to God, the better I'll handle these times when I would just as soon pack my ish and get out of town.

Gather up my babies and my man and drive into the sunset.

No, reading the Bible alone won't do it.

BUT...reading the Bible, applying it to my life and praying for wisdom will make those times easier. (Not to be confused with EASY). Those times when people try to hurt your feelings on purpose, settle a score, be rude, act petty, lie to you, be two-faced, or whatever it is that makes you want to rip your own ears off.

This is not one of those posts where I speak to you from a place of wisdom and scholarly experience. No, Grasshopper, this is a post about stuff that I am drowning in the middle of learning myself. I am posting this more to myself than to anyone else. And I am (somewhat successfully) avoiding the urge to write AT someone(s). I learned from a man I respect very much (The Actual Pastor) that one should never write a post directed at a specific person as a way to vent and wag a finger. As much as I want to give a virtual elbow to the ribs (see...anger again), I won't.

It's not Christian-like.

It's not productive.

And largely because the people who need to hear this won't anyway.

They will continue on in their lives, business-as-usual, never seeing the carnage they leave behind. Or never caring.

And in the words of another one of my faves, Jen Hatmaker, I say Bless. Bless it all.

In all that is good and Holy in this world DON'T be "one of those people."

Don't be the kind of person I am struggling with every fiber of my being NOT to be right now...

Instead...

Care how you make other people feel.

Watch your words.

Don't play dumb when you know you're in the wrong.

Don't lash out in anger.

Do be considerate of someone's feelings.

Do pursue the truth and make an honest attempt at reconciliation.

But mostly, cling to the One who can really bind your wounds. And your hands and feet, if necessary.
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