Wednesday, February 6, 2013

So We Moved


7 days of moving. 2 moving trucks. Countless trips using Joe's pick up truck.

And I am still missing critical components of our home.

It's the move that won't end.

The hardest part has been not having any sense of familiar.

It breaks my heart every time our 3 year old asks to "go home".

We no longer live in a "city" environment. Nothing is "just across the street" or "just up the road."

Now even going to grab a few groceries requires jumping on a major highway.

It's not all bad. We have a gorgeous home. It's huh-yuge. 5 bedrooms, 4 full baths. An enormous, finished basement with a guest room and full bath. One of those larger than life kitchens that connects to the family room. Seriously, it's everything I've been pinning about on Pinterest for eons.

But I think you take for granted all that you'll miss when you move on.

I loved our other house. Loved it.

We lived there 7 years. I talked about that in this post.

5 of our 6 babies were born there. For the most part, none of them knew any other house as "home".

I got used to all the sounds that initially drove me crazy; sirens on the main road close by, engines revving at the 4-way stop around the corner, loud neighbors, the radiator's temperamental bangs and knocks, the floor boards that creaked in our 70-year-old house, the sound of the airplanes flying over after just taking off from the airport that was only a few miles away.

I knew exactly where to walk on each step so it wouldn't creak and wake up the kids.

I knew which light switches were quirky and which ones went to absolutely nothing (and there were many).

I got used to our neighbor Joan taking her little dog out to do business at 11:00 every night. It was comforting to see her outside light flip on and then see her all bundled up (summer or winter) to bring "Reeth" out for a walk.

We knew all of our neighbors on every side, up to 3 houses down, by name.

I've recited and written that address countless times.

We knew all the hot spots for takeout and delivery.

Giant Eagle was literally across the street. Get Go was only 5 minutes down the road. I feel like a stranger in a strange land.

I am absolutely grateful and thrilled at this new beginning...but it feels a little sad too.

The rooms--that are now SO big and exactly what we craved for so long--now feel, big. And empty. They echo because we haven't gotten any pictures on the walls yet.

The kids rooms are SO much farther away from ours now. I have to walk about 20 steps from our bed to the girls' room and the same for the 2 oldest boys' room.

Please don't think I'm insinuating that this is by any means a palatial mansion or's just about 5 times the size of our other house. Our other house was small, cozy.

I have felt my relationship with God feeling distant over the past week.

I think it's just because I feel no "normal".

I used to have a routine of reading my Bible on my iPhone every night when we got in bed.

Now, I have been so weirded out by being in a strange place, I've just buried my head under the covers and willed myself to sleep.

On the other hand, because this is a much more country setting, there are NO traffic sounds, no sirens, no street lights even...the kids have been sleeping until the sun comes up, rather than when the 5 am Port Authority bus rolls by.

It's such a calm feeling here. I sleep much better too. Sounder. I feel more relaxed while at the same time stressed out and a little sad about all that is happening.

It's not even that I miss the other house, per se. I miss the familiarity. I miss feeling like I "know" the house. Miss feeling like I belonged there.

And call it silly, weird, ridiculous...but I knew my house was filled with good energy. Good memories. With God. I don't know what this one has been filled with. I know the previous occupants were questionable at best. Who knows what they could have introduced here.

But so far, so good.

I've been playing KLOVE and singing about Jesus a whole lot. ;)

And I know that this is something that only time can change.

Only time will make us feel familiar and like we belong.

I know it's for the best in the long run.

The kids have so much more room to play. They have a nice suburban community where they can ride their bikes in the driveway and we can walk the dog on our street with much less fear of them being run over by some yay-hoo blazing by. I don't have to worry about the 2 scary dogs that lived next door anymore. We have a big yard they can play in without fear.

So...I know this is good. But it makes me think of a song (surprise surprise) by Building 429.

"Where I Belong"

Sometimes it feels like I'm watching from the outside
Sometimes it feels like I'm breathing but am I alive
I won't keep searching for answers that aren't here to find

All I know is I'm not home yet
This is not where I belong
Take this world and give me Jesus
This is not where I belong

So when the walls come falling down on me
And when I'm lost in the current of a raging sea
I have this blessed assurance holding me.

All I know is I'm not home yet
This is not where I belong
Take this world and give me Jesus
This is not where I belong

When the earth shakes I wanna be found in You
When the lights fade I wanna be found in You

All I know is I'm not home yet
This is not where I belong
Take this world and give me Jesus
This is not where I belong

Where I belong, where I belong
Where I belong, where I belong

And I think it's good to keep in mind that I'll never really be home while on this Earth.

I'm a stranger in a strange land.

1 Chronicles 29:15 MSG
As far as you're concerned, we're homeless, shiftless wanderers like our ancestors, our lives mere shadows, hardly anything to us.

1 Peter 2:11-12
The Message (MSG)
11-12 Friends, this world is not your home, so don’t make yourselves cozy in it. Don’t indulge your ego at the expense of your soul. Live an exemplary life among the natives so that your actions will refute their prejudices. Then they’ll be won over to God’s side and be there to join in the celebration when he arrives.

Did you catch that word in 1 Peter? Cozy. Remember I said our last house was cozy? I sense an object lesson here?

Maybe I'm not called to be cozy, but to realize that this world is not my home. My home will only truly be in one place.

So I don't know every quirk and creak in this new house.

That's okay.

Actually, that may be ideal. Obviously, I will get used to being here, like I did in our last house, but for now, I choose to draw the correlation...I should never allow myself to get too comfortable. I should always look to stretch myself and be prepared to leave this world at any moment... to be in the world but not of it (John 17:15-16).

And on that note...I am off to relax. Tomorrow is a new day of getting to know this new place.

And of chasing my kids through the house, which feels to be the distance of a football field. ;)

If nothing else, my cardio will vastly improve.

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