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Saturday, February 18, 2012

Getting My Panties Out Of A Bunch

There is nothing quite as refreshing --and sometimes frustrating--as a change of perspective.

Yesterday I yammered on about ignorant people. I railed.

The past few...I don't know...years?? I have felt so hateful.

This is the beautiful face my husband, my kids, and the general public have been so wonderfully graced with the past few weeks.

Hot right?

I know...JUST the thing the husband wants to come home to after a hard day at work.

And exactly what my kids are looking for when they seek out safety and refuge.

And what an inspiring and compassionate individual I come across as, right?

Psssssht.

I suck.

Here's what I WANT to look like all the time.

I want to look (and feel) happy and pleasant. I want to be approachable and not invoke fear in the hearts of small children.

I want my husband to arise and call me blessed. Instead, I think lately he's been calling me something else. Somethin' I ain't gonna put here. And rightfully so.

I have hated everybody lately. Everybody.

Relative. Hated you.
Friend. Hated you.
Stranger. Hated you.
Enemy. Really Hated you.

And all that hate just bubbled up and boiled over inside me and 1) caused my poor little guy inside to churn and swim around in it, 2) only served to make me feel worse and did NOTHING to the people who were irritating me and 3) gave me major heart burn.

So you see...it was all for naught.

But I didn't know how to turn it off.

How much was my crazy pregnancy hormones and how much was me being a selfish, spoiled brat?

Hmmmmm. Don't answer that.

Point is.....I need to get under control for my sanity, for my marriage and for my kids.

Sure those obnoxious people who annoy the bejewels out of me will STILL be there tomorrow, doing all they do to annoy me, BUT I don't have to feed into it or let them have any of my energy.

Easier said than done, True.

I'm all for a magic bullet kind of "fix" but I have a feeling this kind of fix is lengthy, takes some patience on my part (ugh), and probably involves copious amounts of prayer and time in the Word.

*Sigh*

All so very easy in theory and so very hard in practice.

So I'm not here to say, "Ta da! I'm all better" while whistling a jaunty tune and tossing my top hat into the air, buuuut I AM here to say that I recognize the change starts with ME. Not with anyone else.

As much as I WISH it started with you all... HAHA. Just kiddin'

Sorta.

I don't want those awful frown lines etched permanently into my face. The "crow's feet" wrinkles that come from smiling too much? Those I can live with.

I want people to see me and think of me as kind, compassionate, and most importantly, I want that to be TRUE!

I don't want to dwell on all the ridiculous people in this world who grate on my every last nerve.

Like the ones who take advantage or expect someone else to always get them out of a jam, or who are incredibly immature, or who are irresponsible, know-it-all....

*Ahem* I digress.

In conclusion...I can't control anyone else. No matter how much I may want to or how much I try.


I can only (sometimes) control myself. :)

And I will try from this moment on.

Let's hope we've seen the last of Cruella DeVille, sans white streak.

Let's hope we see MORE of this gal:

I wouldn't mind seeing more of that handsome guy either. ;)
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