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Tuesday, June 28, 2011

And here I am...after a little break.

Hello all.
I have neglected you all horribly over the past month.

I'm so sorry for that.

But guess what?

If you don't already know, I went ahead and decided to write about that stuff I was contemplating HERE.

It was the most exciting, scary, cathartic month...

I debated about linking to it here. I don't know why I even had to think about it, but after much ado...here's the link. Click HERE to visit that site. My life story. Start at the oldest post and work your way to the most reacent. The posts are listed backward.

Back to the usual...

I have been having one of those "I hate everyone" weeks off and on. You know the kind?

You hate everyone you see and want to tell them so? Horrible.

And as I'm thinking these mean things, I'm also having a mental argument with myself about how wrong it is to think that way.

I wish I could just have a bad day once and let it all rip without scolding myself.

In other news...Jenny and I are on a break.

It's mutual.

She was getting too demanding for me. She insisted I buy her things all the time.

Women!

So, I'm holding steady at my 20 lb weight loss and hoping I can continue to lose on my own. So far, I'm terrific at maintaining, but I'd rather lose.

You know, as I go through my day, I think of 100,000 things to blog about. And then, I get a rare few moments to sit down and put pen to paper, so to speak, and......nothing.

I'm blank.

So much for a witty post today.

I have to start writing this stuff down when it comes to mind...

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Grouchy

Jenny today.

Not the greatest weigh in ever, but I'm not going to complain.

The verdict? Up point 2 lbs.

Ugh.

It's not what I've eaten.

It's Mother Nature.

I had to take all 5 with me to the appt today.

I listened the whole drive to L & R discussing who was the better fighter: Super Man or the Zombie Hulk. Both extolling the virtues of each.

Then there was a yelling contest and a "Who can drive mom crazy first" contest.

It was a 5 way tie.

At the meeting, they all played nicely in the waiting room while I had a lightening fast weigh in and grocery shop.

As I was leaving, there was a woman waiting in the lobby where all the kids were.

She raised her painted-on eye brows and said, "This is good birth control right here, sitting out here with all 5 of them."

I think my face said it all because a girl who works there quickly said, "They were sooo good, though. I even heard one of the boys ask his sister if he could 'please' play with her toy."

Clown brows obviously had no idea she was messing with Mother Nature today.

Luckily for her, before I could embarrass myself or her, she was whisked back to the scale.

It was everything in me not to say, "By the looks of it, honey,  no need to worry about that."

Isn't that mean? I'm ashamed I even thought it. Sometimes the hateful in me just comes out.

People today are just amazing.

Joe and I parked on one of our side streets last week for a soccer game at our high school's football field.

The only parking lot is up above and we'd have to carry both strollers down the metal stadium steps.

So, we did what all 5324 other spectators did and we parked on some of the back streets.

As we were loading the littlest kids in their strollers, a lady in a minivan hesitated as she was driving by. Joe, thinking she was being cautious because of the kids, waved her past.

And she proceeded to gun the engine, stand on the gas and speed past us. With all the kids right there.

She parked all of 5 car lengths in front of us and then walked back toward us.

I said, "Excuse me, ma'am. Were you just driving that blue van?"

She said yes.

"Is something wrong?" I said, making my best 'you're an idiot ' face.

She then went on to yell at me for parking on the road when she lives right there and she's tired of parking "a million miles away" from her house (which has no driveway.)

My answer: "I didn't realize this was private parking."

It's not.

It's not permit parking either.

It's called city parking. It's called what happens when you choose to live in a boro with crappy accessibility to the only high school field.

What do people in wheel chairs do when they want to go to the game? Do they get yelled at too for inconveniencing the homeowners on that road?

I just wonder if they stood outside and yelled at every single other car owner who dared to park on that public road that day.

My other fave people run-in the other day? I was walking into Giant Eagle (our second home) and passed by a woman smoking. Standing right next to the "No smoking within 5 feet" sign.

Irony.

Maybe they can't read and they take the picture of the cigarette with the universal sign for "No" on it as a directive to "Smoke Here."

K. That's it for me. I'll come back when I can play nicely.

I'm having one of those "You! Off my planet!" kind of days.  

I'm not really this mean. I'm just blogged that way.

Friday, June 10, 2011

Vague

Just when I had almost given up on my diet.

I lost another pound.

And quite possibly more than that.

I'd had 2 cups of coffee and weighed myself at 11 am, so I always mentally deduct at least 1 lb from what the scale says.

Do you hear the angels singing?? 

The communicable, flesh-eating skin disease taking up residence above and below my lips is starting to heal too.

Impetigo. You may have to google it.

Do you know how hard it is not to kiss my kids?

I didn't realize how much I must kiss them in a given day until I had to make myself stop.

I have R & L (6 & 5) pointing out how "disgusting" it is to me at every chance.

When R talks to me, he stands very close and doesn't take his eyes off of it.

For the first time ever, my husband is A-OK with me keeping my distance.

I try not to make eye contact with people.

I told Joe the other day that I totally expect to get mono next.

It would be the cherry on top.

This week has been so random.

Ever have those weeks when you just totally lose track of time?

That's where I was this week.

I kept thinking it was a different day than it was. I missed an assignment in school (by 2 days)

And totally missed a deadline for my work.

And it all just slipped by unnoticed.

I haven't seen the floor in the playroom for weeks. Bins and buckets that are dedicated to specific toys are empty, leaving me to wonder where the heck everything is...

But one glance at the heaping buckets in the corner of the room and I think I've solved the mystery.

There is laundry in baskets upstairs waiting for me to put it away.

I have zero desire to do that.

I need a cleaning lady. Who works for free. Or the satisfaction of a job well done.

I need a vacation.

Sans kids.

Sans husband?

What about you guys? Talk to me! =)

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

So I'm Thinkin'...

Yesterday was my Jenny wigh-in after missing last week. 

I was TOTALLY on my own food-wise the past 2 weeks and I was nervous. My scale hadn't budged.

That's good, I guess, since although it means I didn't LOSE any weight...I also didn't GAIN any.

I lugged all 25 kids to the meeting and put on my best "this has been a tough week" face for my counselor, Elaine.

Then it was the moment of truth. I hopped on the scale (after disrobing to the point of practically being naked.)

And darn it if that Jenny scale didn't say I was DOWN 2 lbs!

Son of a gun!

Then, because I was feeling so good, I got suckered into a "Summer Slim Down" contest and bought more food than I planned.

*sigh*

Next week...all I have to do is lose .3 (that's POINT 3) lbs and I will have reached my half-way goal (according to Jenny) and I will get $50 off!

So maybe I am going to be able to do this on my own. I've had my doubts!

And on to other news...

I had a magnificent idea while running on the treadmill last night.

It seemed magnificent at the time, anyway.

While running, I enjoy listening to some various styles of music.

One of those styles is Casting Crowns (praise music about contemporary issues). I also love dance beats (a la Britney, Beyonce, Outkast, etc)

And then there's the Man-Hater or "I-hate-you-so-much-since-we-broke-up" genre.

I was jammin to that yesterday. No reason really. I don't feel particularly vengeful about my exes. Just serves to get me going sometimes.

And then I had a thought.

It was somewhere during the third consecutive time I listened to Christina Aguilera's Stronger and continued into the two consecutive times I played All American Rejects' "Gives you hell."

The idea? Tell my story.

Not the one I tell here. Where I'm happy but complain about random everyday stuff.

My story story.

The one that could maybe be told on Oprah or Dr. Phil.

I know everyone has one--a Story-- but maybe if I told mine it could help others who haven't faced or dealt with theirs yet.

I was all into it while I was running (and sweating. Note to self: NEVER run in a hooded sweat shirt again!)

I've just recently learned that someone close to me is being bullied. Again. And it got all my hateful juices flowing about guys. You know-the ones who are pigs.

There was a time when I would say "Aren't they all?"

But I know better now.

I married one who isn't.

Oh--he certainly has his moments where I want to karate chop him to the throat (and I'm sure he has his moments with me as well) but NOTHING like I've experienced myself in the past and heard from others close to me that THEY have experienced with others.

And I'm indignant.

I want to stand up and yell to these women and these men.

And maybe...just maybe...if I share some of the Jerry Springer stuff from my own life it will be beneficial to them in some way?

So there I was...mentally fist pumping and crafting my very first self-expose when IT took hold.

The fear.

That cold sweat, heart palpatation inducing fear that says, "No one wants to read that. Keep your private business PRIVATE."

Or worse...EVERYONE will read and many will respect you less or leave hateful comments.

I've never fully been able to marry those two thoughts together...that by being so public people will sometimes leave less than positive comments. I take that very personally.

So...imagine the fear associated with baring my soul. Telling my most personal, intimate details.

Then there was a new fear...I don't want my family to read or be hurt by anything. God forbid an ex reads somehow and it stirs things up again. I've made the cardinal blogging sin of having family and business associates as readers. There is NO anonymity in THAT!

Will anyone respect me after I tell my tale?

Should I care?

Who am I kidding...of COURSE I care!

But...I am a believer that God makes all things work together for good. And I believe that my story is one of them.

I made a mess of some things. A TOTAL mess.

But He has worked it out for good in so many ways.

So...I'm stewing on it. Trying to work up the courage and downplay the fear. Maybe I'll take it off this site and onto another.

Because another blog is exactly what I have time for. =)

But it could be just the catharsis I need to stop breaking out in red, puss filled sores all over my body.

And maybe it will help me stop using food as a comfort for something that happened so many years ago.

Thinking...thinking...

Monday, June 6, 2011

That's Right...It's My Birthday. And WHAT A Day It Has Been!

Dear Diary,

Today is my birthday.

In my wildest dreams (to me) that means that I should get to spend the day leisurely reading, getting a mani/pedi while thumbing through magazines, watching mindless TV, and drinking something fruity with an umbrella.

The reality of the situation is that I have 5 babies and a husband who works--not to mention that b**** Jenny won't let me have anything good-- so there will be nary a fruity drink in my immediate future.

Instead, here's how my day has gone so far:

7:30 am: Joe woke me to say goodbye, he was headed off to work. Mwah!
7:45 am: I finally rolled out of bed after a long (or short) night with H coughing up a storm from 3 am til who knows.
7:50 am: Went downstairs to find gorgeous pink flowers and two of my fave guilty pleasure magazines waiting for me on the dining room table, along with a sweet bday card.
8:10 am: Ran through the house like a mad woman getting R's "Letter Person" costume together, getting everyone dressed, getting R fed, packing the diaper bag, changing diapers, etc...
8:25 am: Raced down the road to school pushing the double stroller with kids dangling off of and out of it.
8:30 am: Made it to school with mere seconds to spare, breathless and sweating like a pig (and mortified when I realized that I forgot to put on deodorant that morning.)
8:45 am: Watched Little Man parade through the school's hallways in his Letter Person costume with the other kindergartners.
9:00 am: Hoofed it back home.
11:10 am: R finished with school for the day.
11:15 am: Bawled like a baby looking through a little photo album his teacher made of his kindergarten year.
11:50 am: Loaded everyone in the car
12:00 pm: Doled out McDonalds to everyone; 4 Happy Meals sure to be on the floor in a matter of moments.
12:05 pm: Set out to drive 30 minutes to spend exactly 10 seconds picking something up.
12:10 pm: Called Med Express to ask if my Herpes could have traveled from my stomach/side/back region to my lip area. Doc says that it's possible and to start taking my prescription again (the one I DIDN'T FINISH because I suck.)
12:40 pm: Turned around after picking item up and headed back the opposite direction to deliver item to someone else.
12:45 pm: Told E to stop singing so loud.
12:49 pm: Told E to stop singing so loud.
12:52 pm: Told E to stop singing so loud.
12:53 pm: Yelled at R for yelling at E about singing so loud.
12:54 pm: Yelled at E to stop singing so loud.
1:03 pm: Told everyone to be quiet and go to sleep.
1:05 pm: Resigned myself that no one was going to be quiet OR go to sleep.
1:28 pm: Pulled into meeting place only to realize a split second after putting the van in park that I was at the wrong place.
1:31 pm: Texted person I was meeting to tell them I am an idiot.
1:32 pm: They agreed.
1:45 pm: Friend showed up and delivery is made.
1:55 pm: Back on the road toward home, hearing Willie Nelson faintly in the back of my mind.
2:30 pm: Lips begin itching and burning miserably.
2:45 pm: Pulled into MedExpress parking lot...this has GOT to be looked at.
2:55 pm: FINALLY got everyone wiped down, put in strollers, and into the building. Realized with frustration that the food was just as much on M's shorts as it was on the floor of the van.
3:10 pm: No joke...Finished up in the bathroom--everyone not in diapers had to go, including yours truly. One had to do #2...Lord, I swear...ALWAYS in a public place!
3:30 pm: Physician's Assistant saw me...shined light on my face while looking skeptically at the fungus around my lips. He said he thinks it's impetigo, but not sure so "we'll try some cream."
3:40 pm: Doctor came in the room. He looked at my face with the light, studied the bumps around my lips, and made a quizzical face. There's some chin tapping and then he said he thinks it started out as cold sores that got infected. Cold sores, he said, can be caused by....stress. Of course, they can happen because of sickness too and most of us have recently gotten a cold (and, as you know, the baby has croup) but I think we both know what the culprit is, Diary.
3:50 pm: Got prescription from pharmacy. (The SAME pharmacy where they thought I had genital herpes.) Can't WAIT to smear it all over my mouth.
4:05 pm: Started the arduous task of getting everybody loaded back in the car. That included wrestling M in his seat because he flat out refused (he's 2.)
4:15 pm: Smeared cream all over my mouth.
4:20 pm: Nearly took it on "two" getting pulled out onto extremely busy road.
4:30 pm: Pulled into the driveway to find 4 beeeeeeautiful balloons waiting for me in the front yard. (Thanks, Sal!) compliments of my Mother-in-Law.
4:35 pm: Collapsed in the house.
4:36 pm: Promptly fired 4 chocloate chip cookies in my mouth in rapid succession. It's my birthday, after all. And Jenny can kiss my newly 34-year-old ass.

And here I am at present time. Not exactly my dream birthday, but whatever. I'm learning that our life is anything but expected.

Here's a little snap shot of me on this my Bday. I took the liberties of "narrating" it.



Here's looking at 34!


And another of our youngest guy trying to be funny (and succeeding!)


I'm looking forward to the next year with excitement...and hopfully less stress and sickness!

Thursday, June 2, 2011

BBQs, Croup & Herpes

What a week.

Memorial Day proved to be fun, fast, and exhausting.

Lots of time with family & friends.

A great couple of days BBQing and spending time at the pool. 

LOTS of sun.

And food.

Ahhhh my nemesis (and BFF) food.

Who barbecues low calorie?

Anyone?

Didn't think so.

I ate, BUT I'm happy to report that I also was mindful of WHAT and HOW MUCH I ate.

Instead of a PAN of brownies, I had half of one.

Instead of HALF a cookie cake, I had a HALF of a PIECE of cookie cake.

That is HUGE progress for me.

I had 1 glass of wine the entire weekend.

Ridiculous.

And still managed to pack on a few pounds!

Then...Tuesday is my designated Jenny day.

It didn't happen this week.

The baby has croup and her older brother has a cold complete with gross, green stuff coming out his nose.

You're welcome for the details.

Hey, I figure if I have to wipe it, the least you can let me do is tell you about it.

And in shingles news...they are almost all gone.

But I have to tell you a funny story about getting my prescription filled.

This was weeks ago.

I went immediately from Urgent Care to the pharmacy next door to have my script filled.

My prescription? Valtrex.

Sound familiar? It's because of those clever commercials where you see two attractive individuals making eyes at one another. Then a narrator's voice pipes up informing you that one of them has Genital Herpes.

The answer? Valtrex.

Yes...it would appear the virus that causes Shingles is one in the Herpes family.

So...here I am...in the pharmacy. I hand over the script to the pharmacy tech. She reads it over.

Then I say, "Should I be grabbing anything from the shelf?" Meaning Calamine lotion or the like.

She looks at the script and then walks over to show it to the phramacist. The two quietly confer and then it hits me...they think I have genital Herpes.

Once I realize this...I quickly yell...and I DO mean YELL

"I have shingles!"

I swear both pharmacists let out a relieved breath. The one said, "Oh...nope! You're good with this here."

We all shared a nervous giggle and went about our business.

So that's it in a nutshell.

BBQs, croup and Herpes.

It's been a full week.

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