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Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Putting My $$ Where My Mouth Is


I'm learning some things about me and food. Well, things I've KNOWN but have chosen to ignore.

Like I have a weird fear attachment to it. I fear not having it handy. (And most times- in my mouth!)

I remember going to Barbados a while ago and staying in a crappy apartment-like time share. There was no restaurant and no room service. I actually felt panicked until I went grocery shopping and found some food that at least resembled American food.

I also get really antsy when we need to go grocery shopping here. Of course, to me  that means the snacks and junk are all gone.

Yesterday was a really hard day.

I am still all over the board with hormones. I was obviously in a valley yesterday and out of control.

L was due at preschool at 11:30. Of course, that meant I walked out the door at 11:45. As I'm stting in the van waiting for L to buckle, he dropped his thermos. Sooooo, I proceeded to berate him and use a really ugly tone with him for a full 5 minutes. In my head, I could hear myself saying, "WHAT are you DOING?!" I knew I was unhinged. But I couldn't stop.

Finally, I got a hold of myself enough to zip my lip and immediately apologize to L. Of course the damage was done. I had succeeded in making him feel like an inch tall. You know what he said?

He said, "I'm sorry for dropping my thermos."

That gets me.

I bawled when he said that. How ridiculous that a 4 year old feels he should have to spologize for dropping something.

I told him he'd done nothing wrong and that I was the one who was wrong for talking to him like that. When we got to preschool I hugged him fiercely and repeated that I was sorry.

He's the greatest. He acted as if nothing had even happened. Little ones are resilient that way.

After that, I drove on to my appointment at Jenny Craig (late of course).

I originally set out to do the 20 lbs for $20, but after experiencing that emotional roller coaster and ugly scene with L, I knew I had to get a handle on myself and pull this together. SO I went for the full monty. The plan I chose includes the armband like what the contestants on the Biggest Loser wear. I will be able to track everything in detail and almost exactly so there is no guess work about how many calories I've eaten, how many calories I've burned, or how my metabolism is working.

I am so excited.

They took my measurements and by "Before" Pics. I could have done without that, but I know it's necessary to know how far I've come. (And I will go far!!)

This is the beginning. I can't wait.

I've also taken a couple of hip hop classes. My back and sore legs can attest to that.

It's funny...I feel so good (a la Britney Spears) while I'm dancing, but then I catch a glimpse in the mirror and I see that I look much more like Chris Farley.

Perspective.

Tonight...break from the gym. Some much needed down time with the whole fam and a rest.

I will do my very best to hold the detox at bay. Even though the Jenny Craig meals have been good so far (LOVIN' the turkey burger!) I'm still hungry. I wish there was a diet where you eat whatever you want, in as big a portion size as you want, and as often as you want...and STILL lose weight! Wouldn't that be fantastic? That's called a dream.
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