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Friday, October 15, 2010

And Today I Win Mother Of The Year

I suck.

There is no eloquent way of putting that.

I have had an emotional, roller-coaster kind of day today. It started off badly when I cried on poor Joe's shoulder about feeling fat and ugly. Poor guy. Right as he was trying to leave for work. He said all of the right things. Great man. Gosh, I love him.

Then, in a fit of rage and anger over my freakin baby gate that works 50% of the time, I slammed it down on the bottom step...hardwood step, I might add...only to realize a milisecond too late that my baby's little, tiny pinky was UNDERNEATH the gate. We both paused as all the air was sucked out of the room. We looked at each other for a split second and then he started screaming. And then I panicked and scooped him up and started chanting, "Oh, God! Oh, God!" over and over. And I don't say "God" casually like that. I couldn't even look at his finger for a good 2 minutes because I was afraid of what I'd see. You see, injured bones and I have never quite gotten along.

I'm usually pretty calm in a crisis, but this time I just totally fell apart.

I called my mother-in-law, practically hysterical, and sobbed out that I thought I'd broken M's finger. She, of course, rushed right over. My father-in-law came over too. They both looked at the wounded finger and helped to calm ME down. I phoned my friend who is a nurse at Children's Hospital. She was helpful, And then I called my pediatrician's office. That nurse practically had me doing lamaze breathing because I couldn't get my phone number out without crying.

Talk about riddled with guilt.

I have long acknowledged that I have a horrible temper, but today put it in a totally new perspective for me. Now it's not just a problem with making everybody feel bad when I'm in a crappy mood-it actually almost broke my son's finger! And he's only 15 months old! I thouht for sure CYS would be pulling out front at any moment.

But, thankfully, he's fine. He has no lasting effects (it seems) from the ordeal. I, on the other hand, may actually experience some PTSD from this. I'm not kidding. I keep thinking back to it and it makes me jump when I think about it. Poor baby.

So, the crown for Mother of the Year belongs to me today, my friends. It's not the first. I know it won't be the last. And it really sucks.

Go ahead...make me feel better. Tell me your MOTY stories. Quickly.

Friday, October 8, 2010

I Think *GASP* I Might Be "Done"...Maybe. I Dunno.

I have had this irresistable urge all day to blog...but I have NOTHING to say.

Too bad for all of you I'm going to say it anyway, =)

This pregnancy has been hard for me. I say this delicately because it's been a cakewalk compared to so many of my friends who have had horrible pregnancies. You know-where they're puking every 5 seconds, dehydrated, time spent in the hospital, at-home IV's to keep hydrated, pre-term labor, having the cervix stitched shut to keep the baby in longer...and that's just ONE of my friend's issues!

We got to see the baby on ultrasound again the other day. It became suddenly apparent why I am experiencing so much discomfort--she was poker straight. I mean, straight-as-a-needle straight as she could be. Her little toes were jammed into my ribs-and I got to see it all! It was so cool.

I've also gotten the worst case of acne I've EVER had, Yes, teenage years, notwithstanding, I have NEVER had acne so bad. It's all over my neck, back and shoulders. You getting the visual?

Then there's that sciatic pain...the pain that feels like someone stabbed me in the a$$ every time I sit wrong, stand up, or lay too long on one side. It's gotten to the point now that when I stand up from sitting on the floor (to change diapers, etc) and I scream out in pain, my kids don't even flinch anymore. They just say, "Your bum hurts because you have a baby in your belly?" That's right kids.

That and a uterus that's being held together by scotch tape and a prayer after 5 babies in 5 1/2 years.

You may know that I've said I have a hard time saying "we're done." But apparently my body has no such qualms. I don't know how Michelle Duggar does it. She must use bungie straps to hold her girl parts together after 19 babies in 20 years.

And let's not even begin discussing the bladder issues--or the fact that the dam just ain't holdin' anymore, if you know what I mean. A sneeze, a cough, a good chuckle, heck even carrying the baby upstairs right now is enough to weaken the muscles of my bladder and make me piddle. I'm worse than E during potty training. I should be the one wearing plastic pants.

But it's such a beautiful thing. That's a mixture of sarcasm and genuine sentiment. Of course I love my babies. Of course I am thrilled that I am able to have babies when so many can't. And of COURSE I love wearing elastic waisted pants with zero insecurity. BUT, this ole girl has had enough. Joe's had the doc on speed dial, just waiting to schedule the "snip" since baby #2. It's been ME holding us back. But now, I am alllllmost ready to say the word. The 'V' word. It's his counterpart to me having gone through pregnancy, labor & delivery 5 times.

And, on that note I think it's time to say goodnight. I just had an ice cube, and as you preggo ladies know, that's enough to make you feel like you haven't peed in weeks...

Monday, October 4, 2010

What Moves You?

So to say that this whole denying kids food issue has gotten under my skin would be an understatement. My husband said the nicest thing to me the other day--possibly the nicest thing he's EVER said to me! When I forwarded him the email I sent to the school superintendent, the cafeteria manager and the district's social worker, he replied,

I love your Passion. U r one of a kind. Very special.

Love you

Sent from my Verizon Wireless Phone




Love that man. So glad that even though he may not always "get it" (My passions and quirks and the stand I take for those who can't stand up for themselves) he supports it and appreciates it. Thank you, Babe!

Now...on to more serious business...

While this issue has certainly raised the hair on the back of my neck, it has also served to make me put my blogging pants back on. I've taken a bit of a hiatus from it as other things have taken my time (such as this tiny little being doing somersaults in my belly! and the business I just started a few months ago.)

But it feels good to be back.

Until someone disagrees with me. HAHAHAHA!

No seriously, I hate that part.

I know that we will never ALL agree on everything (or anything) and it's the way the world goes 'round, etc etc etc...but when it's an issue that seems so black and white, and someone doesn't see it anywhere near the way I do, it's upsetting. The issue like denying a child food when their parent doesn't pay their school tab, for example.

I think any adult who watch a child go hungry because of a parent's neglect, oversight, inability or ignorance should be ashamed of themselves. Period.

Can I get an amen?

I actually have heard some MOMS say that they don't see a problem with the policy whatsoever--including the part where the school STOPS FEEDING THE KIDS for an indefinite period of time.

I'm shaking my head as I type this.

Maybe empathy isn't a virtue bestowed on everyone. Shoot, I know it isn't. But why does that still never cease to amaze me???

I think, what if my child's account went in the negative and I "missed" it. How would I feel knowing they weren't fed because of something I wasn't aware of? And then finding out adults watched as he went hungry?

Granted...I will give you that not ALL people in this situation are because of financial hardship, computer glitch, or lack of communicatioinon on behalf of the school, BUT even for those adults who choose not to pay the overdue tab...I still have a hard time justifying not feeding children.

And then...as I am discussing this with others, the level of complacency of some is baffling.

On a similar note, I've tried discussing things of world importance with some people--things like what will happen if certain government initiatives are passed and how it definitely affects every citizen regardless of political party, etc...just to have the person STOP ME in midsentence and say, "Oh...I don't really care..."

Let's hear it for honesty.

So...what moves YOU? Are you passionate about something? How do you express it? How do you handle people you encounter who don't see things your way or flat out argue against you?

Sunday, October 3, 2010

I'm All Fired Up

I received a letter from my child's school district today that has set my blood to boiling.

Funny thing is...it doesn't even directly affect me.

Doesn't matter. I'm making it my business for all those who don't have a voice of their own or are too afraid to stand up and speak out.

In gist, the school district is jumping on the bandwagon of other districts both locally and nationally who are "cracking down on deadbeat parents" who don't pay their child's lunch tab.

What does that mean, you ask?

If you're like me, you have been living in your own little bubble, completely unaware of this issue for...oh, let's see...forever. Since our oldest is just now in school, I've never once heard about this situation.

It seems that some parents are not paying their child's lunch tabs and the negative balance is making it up into the $100's...per student. That alone is staggering considering the average lunch costs around $2.50 per day.

But wait...it gets more alarming...

The school district's answer to this problem? Stop serving the kids the standard lunch--and in some cases (like my son's school district) stop serving them any lunch altogether.

Some districts are mandating this for middle and high schools only. Our district? They apply this new policy to grades 3-12. I guess 3rd graders have more say than a k-2nd grader in whether or not their parents pay their bill--and can surely withstand a full day without eating anything.

The alternative lunch that our district will be serving these "offending" children? A 'peanut butter sandwich and a milk'--but still charging them a "hot plate lunch cost."

After 4 lunches that are unpaid, the student is no longer served anything and they are not even allowed to purchase snacks until the bill is paid in full. So, here you have a 3rd grader who asks his buddy for 50 cents to buy a cookie...so he at least has something to eat after being denied lunch...and you're telling me the cafeteria lady is going to deny him this cookie until his bill is paid in full?? A bill that he has neither the option, the understanding nor ability to pay??

Please tell me I'm not alone in this outrage. Please tell me we're not going to allow the school system to punish the children for something that is the parents' responsibility.

I am actually moved to tears by the thought of a child being pulled out of line, humiliated and told that they can't eat lunch today. They won't understand. They'll have no idea why they are hungry and these adults-- whom they have been taught to trust-- are not letting them eat. It really tears me up.

And it pisses me off.

Excuse the language.

I don't take kindly to children being bullied, and in my mind, this is tantamount to children being bullied.

I have not come across another school in m y novice research that is flat out denying children the option of eating. I have read about schools both locally and nationally who are opting for the "alternative" lunch, but NEVER complete refusal to feed them.

Is this legal?

For some of these children, this is the only meal they get in a day.

Have we really come so far in society that money is more impartant than feeding a child?

Should the parents have to pay? Absolutely.

There are programs in place for those with financial difficulty.

Should the child go hungry until the parents rectify the situation.

Absolutely not.

I've emailed the superintendent, the cafeteria manager, and the school district's social worker. I hope to receive a response soon--especially since this has already been enacted and there are 4 possible days that kids were denied lunch alreadt--and the policy change had not yet been announced (?!)

Check with your local schools. Do they have a policy in place like this? Does anyone know the legalities of the school not feeding children?
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