Friday, November 12, 2010

I'm Cleaning House

...and I don't mean the one I live in.

I mean the one in my head. The one where I store all the people in my life, how I feel about them and all the stresses of being in any kind of relationship; romantic or otherwise.

I have always fancied myself to be someone who is supportive and patient (maybe not all the time with my kids, or old people...or slow traffic...) but with the people I care about, concerning the BIG things.

If I'm wronged I will usually sweep it under the carpet because the idea of calling someone out about it or hashing it out is so uncomfortable--almost more uncomfortable than the original wrong.

I've really tried to be more open-minded with others over the past few years, and [try to] see things from their perspective, because I realize mine can sometimes be a very narrow point of view.

There are certain people in my life who I have allowed, time and again, to act, do, be or say however or whatever they wanted simply because I held them in such high regard.

I am not someone who loves confrontation, even though I feel very strongly about different things.

But now I think it's time to 'red up as they say in these parts.

It's time to start laying some "boundaries"-- as some are so accustomed to doing--while being careful not to use "boundaries" as a facade for being selfish--as some are also so accustomed to doing.

There is a fine line between being a hypocrit and giving valid, honest truths. That has always stumped me. How do I begin to give (sought after) advice when there have been times in my life when I have done the EXACT opposite--and with good results?? At what point do you stop tickling someone's ears with kind words, subtle points that go unnoticed by the listener, and start giving some cold, hard reality checks. At what point do you tell someone-who is/was/has been important to you that you're not swallowing their bull anymore. That you see through them and know that they are full of it. When do you start asking them who exactly they are trying to fool--you or themselves or both?

I think I am poised on the verge making some good changes. Some needed changes.

I am 30 weeks pregnant and there are some things that just aren't worth me stressing over. Not anymore.

Some people will find that they fall into that category.

Yes, this is a somewhat cryptic post and very ambiguous. It's for me to "get it out there"-the things that have been floating around in my head for a few days.

If you think see yourself in this post, ask yourself why?

I'm an obsessive personality and I'm tired of having the same imaginary conversation with certain individuals in my head. I vascillate between wanting to get it all out on the table and making it KNOWN that I'm not taking it anymore AND not wanting to even deal with it--not making it a priority anymore, not expending another ounce of energy on the issue.

Not sure which way I'll end up going-confronting it or ignoring it. We'll see.
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