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Thursday, June 17, 2010

It's official-I'm pregnant

It can officially be official because the little test I peed on in the doctor's office matched the results I got from the 5 tests I took at home.

It's been almost exactly a year since little M was born and it was my [almost] annual pilgrimage to the OB's office to say 'I'm pregnant...again!" I think Joe and I single- handedly have sent my OB on vacay all around the world twice with all the pregnancies he's seen me through and babies he's delivered. I think this guy should at least be buying me a drink by now with the level of intimacy we've reached.

Today was a doozy. I was scheduled in an office other than the one I have been frequenting since 2004 because the darn call center couldn't seem to fit me in at my usual office until August (WTfeak?) so I got lost finding it (could they have made the sign any smaller?!) and then was greeted with the fantastic news that not only was I due for a pap, but a breast exam as well. It doesn't matter how many times I've done this, it's never comfortable. It's nearly impossible to make small talk while someone is looking at your hoo-ha under those horrid fluorescent lights. I know it's necessary, but c'mon...

I also found out that I will have to deliver at a different hospital than where I've delivered my previous 4 babies. Say what?! We'll have to put together a whole new route! Joe was upset too. His response: "Man! We know where all the good restaurants are already!" Obviously, only one of us enjoys dining on hospital food.

We joke that delivery is our annual vacation. It's not really a joke though. It's too darn close to the truth! Those blessed 3 days and 2 nights I spend in the hospital are the closest thing I get to a vacation away from the kiddos' constant needs, questions, and fighting. OH, believe me, I miss them TERRIBLY while I'm in there, but then they come visit, tear up my room, and leave a mess in their wake while I try to apologize away their craziness to other patients and nurses. Once, my family (in-laws, sister, kids and all) actually got politely asked to leave! I can't help it we're a loud family!

Who wouldn't want a vacay in the OB wing of the hospital? I mean, they have 15 whole channels on cable (including my favorite, the hospital channel, where they make you watch the "Shaken Baby" video and sign a release form before you're discharged.) I turned it on one night before we went to bed and it played all. night. long. We think the nurses must have been pretty impressed by our dedication.

Instead of a turn-down service, they have nurses who come into your room at 2 am, turn on your light, and stick a thermometer up your mouth, a needle in your arm, and make you roll on your side so they can "check your bottom." No privacy. No dignity. Gone.

On my last visit, I think the shine had worn off for me and the staff alike. They didn't even insist they wheel me to my car when I was discharged. They let me walk! Do you believe that? I even had stitches!

So....maybe this new hospital won't be a bad thing. I've heard it's more intimate. It will be interesting. I wonder if they have those freaky robots that travel the floor at all hours of the day and night like my usual place does...
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