Saturday, April 17, 2010

"NO MEANS NO," Ben Roethlisberger

Obviously, this story is huge in our area, being that we live in Pittsburgh.

It made me think about a few things. They are as follows:

1. Ben is a huge star, but needs to be b-slapped into realizing he's not SO big that he can expose himself and man-handle people simply because he wants to.

2. We've ALL heard the phrase "No Means No." Do you believe that's a blanket statement or are their exceptions?

3. What in the world was a 20 year-old college student doing "bar hopping" anyway??? (Other than the obvious reason. I'm 32, not 100--I remember being 20!) Who were the bars serving her and allowing her to get so sloppy drunk? (I read some reports that say she used a fake ID to gain entrance to these places and that her blood alcohol content was 0.2) While the girl was in the back alone with Roethlisberger, her friend "allegedly [told] the club's owner that her friend was 'too drunk to be back there' with Roethlisberger," (

4. The alleged victim was wearing a nametage that she received at a brthday party earlier in the evening with the initials DTF. When Roethlisberger asked her what it meant, she said it stood for something crude and sexual in nature (You can read a report with details of what the letters stood for at The Smoking Gun by clicking HERE.)

There are more, but I'll start with these.

How many of us have started similar nights? As a young adult (and I use that term losely), you set out for a night of fun with friends, dressed to the nines and feelin' good. You start one place which leads to another and another, and before you know it--you're buzzed. You're having fun, you're surrounded by your friends and having a good time. Sometimes you probably have bartenders giving you drinks, not to mention friends and other people buying them for you. It's a "good time."


There's a reason for all of those "Just Say No" campaigns and the speeches about drinking and the lack of judgement and coordination that takes place when you get drunk. Really, kids, there is! And here's a PRIME example...

This girl should NOT have been served. Period. But then again...if she had a fake ID, it complicates things.

She should not have alowed herself (or been so impaired that she couldn't help herself) to be put in such a dangerous and compromising position as being in a "back room" alone with someone she doesn't know. Someone who had already made lude comments to her that were most definitely sexual in nature. Who cares that he's a mega superstar and you see him on don't know him.

Her friends (who were no doubt in a similar frame of mind as she was) should NEVER have allowed her to be in that position. Remember the line "Friends don't let friends drive drunk"? What about "Friends don't let friends get cornered alone in a public restroom with a drunk stranger even if he is a superstar athlete" either.

And what about Roethlisberger? Did he get his wrist "slapped" because of who he is? Even former Steelers are speaking out against the way he conducted himself.

Should the NFL hold these athletes to a higher standard? (Or for Pete's sake even the same standard as all the rest of us pee-ons?) Is it okay for professional athletes to break the law (murder, domestic abuse, dog fighting, assault, drug /alcohol abuse) and then be "forgiven" and face no consequences simply because they make millions and are "good for the team"?

What about this girl? Is she free of responsibility? Should she be held accountable for her own actions leading up to the alleged assault?

What about the bartenders/bar owners? Should they be fined (at the very least) for contributing to the situation by serving underage drinkers (even if she used a fake ID) and allowing Roethlisberger to take command of the back of the bar?

What about the "bodyguards" who were with Roethlisberger, who supposedly led the girl to the back hallway where they allegedly left her by herself until Roethlisberger joined her, and reportedly blocked the door so her friends couldn't get back to her? Should they be held responsible? By the way...the was an off-duty police officer and the off-duty PA Trooper.

Lots of complicated issues in this situation.

Do not read this as me saying this girl deserved this by any means. Absolutely not.

However, this is where common sense comes into play. This, in my opinion, is why it's SO important to teach our kids to use sound judgement. And also that these laws are in place for a reason.

...and it's time to make a stand and tell these athletes, superstars, singers, actors, etc that they are not above the law.

It will be interesting to see how this plays out with the draft coming up.

For another source: Click HERE

Source of Photo of Ben Roethlisberger:


  1. WOW I guess I have under a rock... since starting my new job.....

    This will def be a controversial post indeed.

    My opinion and my opinion only.
    They should have not been bar hopping.
    They should have not served her alcohol.
    What kind of friends leaves their friend like that.
    Girls need to have more respect for their bodies and themselves. They to stop getting sloppy drunk because their life can depend on it!

    Who know what really happened..... but sometimes we make stupid mistakes and sometimes we make HUMONGOUS mistakes....

    AVE maria!

  2. First of all, I saw someone had 2 of his jerseys hanging up outside with a sign that said "Free, he needs to go!" I thought it was funny! Anyways, I truely believe that he will get whats coming to him! Karma will catch up! Everyone hates him here in Pittsburgh and he deserves it!

  3. It's just bad all the way around. He's a super-star, she was judgement-impaired: it's a bad combo. But not a surprising one, unfortunately!

  4. I've always been a Steeler fan, but I'm going to have a hard time rooting for them if they keep Rothliesberger. There have been rumors going around that the Rooneys want to trade him. I hope they do!
    As for the young woman, I do not think she deserved what happened either. But it's sad that she put herself in that position in the first place. Natalee Holloway ring any bells?

  5. OH my word - he is totally out of line. I am going to go out on a limb and say this though - and I'm certain there will be some who don't like what I have to say. First of all, I don't think a woman ever ASKS to be sexually assaulted. No certainly does mean no. But as I have been saying since birthing my little girl five years ago and looking at the way we sexualize and raise our young girls from a very young age (look at commercials - even the ones intended for a younger population - and the clothes that are made for young girls.) we must start going back to raising our young girls better than this. A button that says "DTF"? Again, I was a wild child in college. It wasn't that long ago that I was there; however, I would have NEVER considered wearing a button that said "DTF" because my parents raised me to view sex as a sacred act.

    I know I sound like a conservative old Betty but again, seeing the world through the eyes of someone trying to raise a daughter with self-worth and confidence that doesn't come from sex is proving to be a bigger challenge than I had ever imagined. Great post - horrible situation among two adults.

    By the way, thank you for the award, sweet one. You are a dear.
    Natalie at Mommy on Fire


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