Thursday, December 10, 2009

Happy Thanksgiving

So I am sitting here, steam pouring out of my ears, and I'm struggling with wanting to be thankful that my husband even has a job, when so many don't, and wanting to scream because he has to work today.

I hate that he left with the last thing I said to him being in a short, clipped voice. Not a great way to start his day-one that he is no more excited about having to work than I am for him to work. Sooooo, I popped in some Casting Crowns and going to do my reading now in hopes that my crappy attitude will change.

Speaking of Casting Crowns...I am reading a book by the lead singer (Mark Hall) called "Lifesongs" It's awesome! In it he talks about how easy it is for him to get caught up in the 'tour' and getting from backstage to the stage to the bus as quickly as possible without really taking the time to get to know the staff and the fans. He says that so often artists mistake the concert as THE ministry and miss all the ministry opportunities in between. He said Jesus was so often giving His time while on the way to his destination...just to minister. And so often that was His ministry...His purpose. Not so much the 5000 waiting for Him at the end of His long journey, but the one woman who was bleeding and struggled to touch the hem of his clothing or the soldier whose son was sick at home and asked for his healing.

I wonder how many opportunities I miss because I am so busy just getting through the day (or "surviving it" as I sometimes like to say.)

One thing Mark Hall said really got me: No matter what has happened in our lives, everything has been filtered through God's hands. Whether He caused it or allowed it to happen, He is in control.

That means He knows and is allowing (at least for now) this crappy work schedule in our lives. Yeah, it really stinks that my husband is gone 5 days a week from 9AM until 8PM or later. It stinks that I feel like a single parent 5-6 days a week. It stinks that the kids ask if Daddy will be home before they go to bed every night. It stinks that we can't decorate our tree when we planned because the owner's wife decided that night is the only night they can decorate the restaurant. It stinks that his days off are usually the days that are scheduled last-minute for meetings and he has to go in to work anyway...I could go on and on, but what's the point? God is allowing it. Who knows why? Maybe there is someone in that restaurant today who needs to see God's love. Maybe it will be Joe who is the only "Bible" he or she sees. Maybe the staff will look to Joe and see how he is handling it differently and they will want to know what makes him different...and maybe they will want that too.

It's not all tied up in a pretty bow like it looks when I re-read what I've written. I still sulk and pout and make him feel bad when these things happen, but I hope I am getting a little bit better about quickly apologizing to him and trying to make it right. Maybe it will get better and I will be able to hold my tongue before I say something mean.

Matthew Chapter 3 tells about John the Baptist. You want to talk about a crappy life...this was it! He lived in the desert eating locusts and wild honey. Did he choose that diet or was there a "reason" for it?

He had to "prepare the way" for Jesus. Jesus came to him and asked John to baptize him. John didn't want to because he said that Jesus should be baptizing him (Matt 3:14). I was just thinking that I would be all thumbs if Jesus came to me and asked me to do anything for Him. But as I sat here and chewed on that...I realized that I haven't been all thumbs, I've been a brat. I complain and pout and complain some more. What He's asking me to do right now is support my husband in his job and (try to) be patient for when/if our circumstances change. That's no easy task, but if it's all He is asking...I should give it my best shot. It could be so much worse. Our kids are healthy and happy. We have a job. We can pay our bills. I can write this without worrying that soliders are going to break down my door and drag me away...God is good.
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