Thursday, December 10, 2009


If you haven't had a chance, you should listen to this song by Steven Curtis Chapman. Man, have a kleenex ready though! Go here for the song:

Even though it's about a little girl, it's still appropriate for little boys. My thoughts today are a little convoluted, so bear with me...

I said before that sometimes I feel like I'm going crazy when I think about protecting my kids and wanting to shield them from any hurts. Well, if you don't know, Steven Curtis Chapman had a little girl named Maria who was accidentally hit by a car and died. She was only 5. It's heartbreaking. He wrote the song "Cinderella" about his daughters growing up and how quickly that time flies by. He wrote it before Maria died, but it's taken on new meaning for him now.

My oldest is going to register for kindergarten in about 5 months and I am really having a tough time with that. I don't want to be that mom who can't let go, but this is my firstborn! This little guy, who is so innocent of how cruel this world can be, depends on ME to protect him. If I take him to this strange building full of strange people and leave him there-for 7 hours, I might add-he is going to assume that it's safe. It was always just a given that when I had kids, the first day of school would be so backpacks and lunch boxes, new shoes and pencil boxes, but now...I'm thinking about random things like--what if he has to go potty? Is there a restroom in his classroom? If not, and he has to go before "restroom break" (do they even do that anymore, anyway?) will he just be allowed to wander through that big building all by himself to go? I know there are locks on the doors and cameras, etc, etc...but I still worry.

I know I probably sound ridiculous to most. I can't help it. It only takes a second for something to happen and I would never forgive myself. I had my share of horrible experiences at school (who didn't, right?) But my middle school years were pure torture. I was picked on for things (everything?) that were totally out of my control. We all know how cruel kids can be. Sure, I got over it and managed to pick up the pieces, but it really did make for a crummy stretch of time in my life.

Anyway...I was thinking the other day that we are all God's children and He loves us far more than we love our kids. What I feel for my kids is only a fraction of what He feels for us. The thought of my boys reaching that age where they are embarrassed to kiss me goodbye or say they love me just rips my heart out. So, imagine that for God when His children don't even acknowledge Him. They say He's not real, He's an arrogant God. They swear using His name....then I started thinking how sad I would be if my kids go off the deep end and start doing things that are dangerous and not in their best interests. I would hope that if they are not responding to me that someone would care enough to try to talk to them about it. I have tried to put some people in each of their lives for that reason. I know there will come a day (although I meet it kicking and screaming) when they don't automatically trust everything Joe and I say. It's then that I hope these people will have enough distance from the situation that their words will be credible.

Sooooo...all that to come to my main point. I am hesitant to put all these things out there for anyone to read because I know that people might make fun of that, think I'm weird, or whatever...but there's something comfortable (only a little) in being transparent. I don't want to be fake. It's what I'm feeling, so I just want to put it out there. I can't imagine I'm alone in this...maybe a little more neurotic than most, but I can accept that.

Just like I would hope and pray that someone could reach one of my kids if they start doing things they shouldn't, I think that might be how God feels about His children that are doing things they shouldn't be. He would want someone (me??) to try to reach them when they won't listen to Him. Scary? yeah. Daunting? Definitely. Do I want to be looked at like a "Bible thumper"? No. Do I want people to roll their eyes and say, "oh, she's one of those"? Of course not. But I would definitely want someone to risk looking like an idiot or a fanatic or whatever...if it meant trying to save my kids.

How the heck does that tie in with my study in Matthew? Well...chapter 4 talks about Jesus' temptation in the desert and then calling Simon and Peter to follow Him (Matt 4:18-20). He was choosing who would spread the gospel to the world. Even though it's 2009, we are stilled called to spread the gospel (which means "good news"). I am shy to do it, but I need to stop worrying about what everyone else thinks. I guess this is my way of working up the courage-it's easier than face-to-face.

Anyway...if you haven't already, please watch this video. It's so pretty. Maybe throw up a prayer for Steven Curtis Chapman and his family. I imagine that would just be devestating. If you think of it...could you say a prayer for me too? I can use all I can get. If you need prayers, please let me know.

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